Ready or Not...

Coming out of a funk-funk-funky depression then embarking into a relationship with extra significance with one of my best friends in the whole world is proving to be kind of wonky.

Looking at it now, and/or all the experiences that has led to the now, it makes absolute sense that I'm with Fatty. He's the only person I know that I am proud to walk into any room with. This has always been so. I don't have to worry about him socially. He doesn't say stupid things and if he does he's very aware of the environment, internally checking and rechecking the chances of his ass getting kicked for what might just be on the tip of his tongue hurtling into the astral plains. He's also the person I'm the most happiest to see by chance, though that never happens. I would just imagine it would be. Whenever I have seen him, planned, it's always been a kind of thrill.

I've never had this. I've never had a When Harry Met Sally (for lack of a better analogy) relationship. It's weird and wonderful at the same time.

Weird
The first time I kissed him. I'd never seen him closer than 2' away from my own face. And if I had it's been at pick-a-bar getting half sauced.
Because of the idiot kid relationship we'd shared, of the whipping inanimate objects at heads and playing practical jokes on each other ilk, there tends to spring spontaneous laughter at perhaps inappropriate moments.
He knows just about everything about me already.

Wonderful
We totally love each other.
Even when I'm spun, he has an amazing calming effect on me.
He is a wonderful friend to all he holds dear.
He and Ack, the ex-husband/ best friend, mutually adore and respect one another.
He has the most beautiful... nevermind.
He smells better sweaty than he does after he showers.
He knows just about everything about me already.


In the past few weeks I've gone from ready to not ready, okay maybe to holy-shit-no-way. What I've hated about having feelings for someone is I've tended to get really anxious in the past. Maybe it's been fear of them seeing who I really am. Sometimes I'm less brave. Sometimes I'm really scared. Sometimes I am impotent. Sometimes subsequently I drop off the face of the Earth.

And who's to say when we're ready or not? The funny thing is I think all the stars were aligned for this union. The timing is actually really interesting. Ack has also met someone. It's been so long for the poor boy. Did The Comrade ever gush on the phone over those details!