[ love and comraderie ]

Sunday, August 08, 2004

I Guess I Was Too Old To Understand Before

". . . All earth experiences are like the coloring used on the slides of a microscope to make you conscious of invisible things."
------- Stewart Edward White. With Folded Wings

I'd watched American Beauty before but didn't truly understand the plastic bag sequence until this past week.

What a marvellous week.

The final monologue spoken by Kevin Spacey's character summed up what I'd felt on that magic subway ride.

"I'd always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn't a second at all. It stretches on forever, like an ocean of time. For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars. And yellow leaves from the Maple trees that lined our street. Or my grandmother's hands, and they way her skin seemed like paper. And the first time I saw my cousin Tony's brand new Firebird. And Janie... and Janie. And Carolyn. I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me. But it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain, and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry: you will someday."

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